We are continuously flirting with attachments, skirting past one to the next, never taking a moment to see what they are doing to us.
It is human nature to grow in our attachments to people and things, to feel a sense of affinity with these things and people. But to make these attachments our centre, our core is our biggest downfall. Letting someone or something become your centre is not only dangerous for your heart but it is poisonous to your soul.
We, as humans, tend to get lost in things and people. We let ourselves be swayed by the things that we love. We become the things that we love and it is these things that we love, that begin to fester in our minds, hearts and soul. This is when the problems begin and they only get worse as time goes on.
The problem is not the attachment; the problem is the way you are clutching onto the thing behind the attachment. As if it is the air that you breathe, and without it, you would fizzle up and disappear into thin air. But this is not the case, you know it and I know it. We all know it. Deep down inside, there is a voice that is screaming, telling you to stop now before it becomes toxic. A voice you refuse to hear because you are drowning in your love, in your attachment.
Ever since you have left
I cannot find myself.
As if only with you, I was me
And now without you
I am not.
I was speaking to a beloved teacher of mine and I said, “I can’t ever fathom having a divorce, I don’t think I could take it. It would hurt too much.” And she said to me, “Yeah, it shatters you but only because we make our husbands the centre of our world. One thing you should never do is make your whole life revolve around your spouse.”
And she is right. Of course she is. When we do this, when our whole world is our spouse, or whatever else we have an attachment to, when that thing is no longer with us, we are shattered. It breaks us. We are no longer ourselves, instead we become a shadow of a person because we don’t know how to be with ourselves. Because we don’t know how to live without the thing we are attached to.
I have struggled with attachments my whole life. I used to get attached to people and things so easily, and they would always leave or become distant. Family, friends, I even had a strong attachment to a piece of jewellery because of the person who gave me it.
I remember this particular piece of jewellery broke and it broke me. I was in a funk for days because it was something I always wore and when it broke I felt like a part of me broke too. I tried so hard to fix it and I did fix it only for it to break again. It now sits in its box where it will no longer break.
After many years, I realised that it was not worth it. People and things come into your life and leave just as quickly. This world is fleeting and so is everything in it. Everything passes you by eventually and it hurts. It hurts to an extremity I cannot explain.
Only when you realise that God is the only One who you can rely on, you are finally able to feel light because you know He is there to take care of you. Even when the rest of the world has left you, when the things of this world have destroyed you, He will mend you. It is only God who is there, in every moment.
May He remove all our toxic attachments from our hearts.
Oh Allah, guide us to the right path.