She wanders alone in the fields. Stumbling through the darkness, trying to find her way back home but unable to see. After a long walk, she finally sees a bench that holds so many memories, none of which she wishes to remember and so she rushes past it, almost running to get away from the wretched bench and bumps into someone.
She comes to a complete halt and takes a few steps back, her heart beating fast and goose bumps trailing up her arm.
“What are you doing out here so late at night?”
“I’m running away from pain.”
She finds the words tumbling out of her mouth before she can stop them.
She stares at the man who she has just uttered these words to. His electric blue eyes reach out to her, even in the darkness. She watches as his lips turn, into a knowing smile before he turns her world completely upside down by saying,
“If you knew the purification that pain brings with it, you would be running towards it and not away from it. In the deepest realms of the pain you are feeling hides the secret to happiness because if you never felt the deepest levels of pain then how would you ever know the greatest degree of happiness?”
She gapes at the man and wonders if he is an angel that has been sent to her in a desperate moment. Completely lost for words, she sits on the same bench she was running from. The man takes a seat beside her but leaves a gap between them.
“I’m guessing that you are taking in my words but know that my words are nothing but the truth as only by knowing the opposite of something, are we able to appreciate its alternative.”
“But why do I feel like the entire world is caving in on me?”
She puts her hand on her mouth, wishing the words would stop coming out of her.
“Maybe you feel like that because you are failing to see the bigger picture. You are unable to see the good that comes out of pain right now because of your state of mind but once you change your point of view, you will see that nothing but goodness reaches you. It is all a matter of your perspective.”
She ponders on this for a few seconds. Her expression a mixture of awe and confusion, not knowing whether to embrace what this strange man is saying to her or to run in the opposite direction.
“Every time I try to get out of the negativity, I end up right back where I was before. It is not the fear of falling that scares me, it is the fear of everything that comes after it. I know I can get back up but each time I lose more of myself and I fear the day when I will stand back up and find that I have lost myself.”
The man watches her, knowing that this is the first time she has said these things out loud. Knowing that her heart has decided to dominate her mouth and is pouring out of her, he sits silently and lets her pour all the things that she has been hiding inside herself.
“I search for the cure of this loneliness but come up empty every time. I would do anything to feel alive. Anything to feel my heart beating but just for a few moments of feeling alive, I sacrifice so many moments of feeling like I am dead. I’m running from the shadows of the past, constantly searching for anything that is real but I always find myself back in the same pits of despair and each time it seems like I am going deeper and deeper.”
She stops speaking and sighs, knowing that she has just bared her soul to a stranger. To this man who was still sitting in silence, looking at the ground, deep in thought. He looks up and focuses on something in the distance and responds to her soul,
“The whole problem lies in the constant torment of things which are out of your control. You cannot control your emotions any more then you can control people. It is only once you realise this, that you will find some way of stopping yourself from even trying to control things that are out of your control. You have to accept that people will be who they want to be and no matter how much you try to help them, there is only so much you can say and do before you exhaust yourself.”
She wonders how he knows so much more than what she has said but realises that throughout their whole conversation, he has delved so deep into the words she has given him and found so much more than what she has expressed with words. He is gazing at her, waiting for her to speak and so she gives him what she has left of herself,
“Sometimes I feel as if he is slipping through my fingers and there is no way of stopping him. This feeling of doubt plagues my mind all the time and I do not understand myself. I have never dealt with anyone as difficult as myself and every now and then I wonder why anyone else would want to. Because he is standing still whilst I am moving forward and somewhere along the way, we have lost each other.”
“But don’t you see that the more you try to clutch on to him, the more he is out of reach. The more you try to make him move forward, the more he will move backwards and you will remain on opposite ends of the path that you are treading on.”
They both stare at each other, knowing that this is the end of their conversation. Whilst she is wondering how this man found her in the darkness, he is thinking about how they both connected to each other in mere moments. It is true that people come in and out of your life and when the souls that you have met in another life meet you in this world, you feel a connection in the depths of your soul.
She wants to know the name behind the stranger who has brought so much to her life, unknowingly and so she asks,
“What is your name?”
“Mueen. What is yours?”
They both stand up and Mona wonders whether she should say something. Whilst she is still thinking, Mueen speaks.
“Thank you. I pray that you find peace.”
She doesn’t know what he is thanking her for but she knows that she should be the one thanking him but before she can find the words to thank him, he starts walking in the direction of the moon.
“Hey, Mueen, wait!”
He stops and looks back at her, still standing in the same place.
“I wanted to say thank you for bringing this distressed heart some peace with your words but I don’t think that words are enough to express my gratitude.”
“I have given nothing of myself, only what I, myself have been given. Have gratitude towards the One who created you. For Only He is worthy of your gratitude.”
With those parting words, he walks off into the darkness and she stares at his figure until she can no longer see him.